my heart on the line...

(((sigh)))...

that is all i can sum up at this moment.

i feel relieved to an extent but still heart broken over my mistakes...

in short:

i did things that were inappropriate and i crossed the line this one last time.

i was convicted even prior to making the mistake.

you think i'd know better by now.

the same scenario. same mistake. over and over again....

(((sigh)))....

but i exhale now with a sense of relief.

because i'm done with this!

it's eaten to0 much of my life and if my sin isn't exposed now, then God-forbid; it'll expose me at a time where it will be too late!

i confessed to my roommate-(who happens to be married and a father of one and one-on-the-way)

i told him a lot.

i even told him some stuff of my past.

airing out my dirty laundry sucks!

it's humiliating.

..................................

but it is humbling.

"stuff is breaking even as you're exposing this," are his words.

deep inside me, i agree.

man i HATE condemnation.

yeah...conviction is one thing, and i am ever thankful for that! but to be in a rut of lies that you tell yourself is another.

i HATE the devil.

"the devil knows exactly how to come in and destroy what has taken you years to accomplish or get over in 3 mins."

those are the words of my pastor.

pastor cleetus.

i went and confessed to him as well.

those two men i look up to and i know that the Lord has put them in my life to speak into me and help me walk the narrow road.

now what to do to defeat this beast in full?

well...i'm gonna seek the Lord now and ask Holy Spirit to direct my steps according to His will.

i'm done with this.

i claim in full confidence, VICTORY over this demonic oppression and shut the doors to this demonic generational curse!

IN JESUS' NAME!

..................

i feel relieved to an extent but still heart broken over my mistakes...