pray for me...

ok.
ok...

it sucks that i do not have a personal computer (laptop or desktop) or else i would update this constantly and consistently.

with that said, does anyone have a laptop or desktop that is in working condition and are no longer using?

anyways, this is the 8th of december.
i am going to TRY and accomplish to blog on a daily basis or every other day from now on till the rest of the month.
INCLUDING DURING THE HOLIDAYS.

with that said, let the blogging begin.
ps-follow me on twitter. (www.twitter.com/andyoutcast)

"chestnuts roasting....on an OPEEENNNNNN flame..."

SUPER....

MEMORY!!!

yeah....that would be nice.

apparently only 4 documented people in the world have this "gift/curse" to remember most everything they read and/or see.

it is probable that more than 4 have this, but this is the current study at the Center for the Neurobiology of Learning and Memory at the University of California.*

they say it is both a gift, because of the acute memory in their brain; and a curse because it is associated with OCD to some degree.

i could see how the latter would be annoying to some degree but i would dare not call it a "curse."

i treasure memories!

i would love to not have the difficulty at times to remember the great things in my past and the faces that i once laughed and cried with.

to visit memory lane would also bring about the worst times in my life, i know this.

but those are learning experiences!!

granted i've committed that which was once wrong more than once, and you'd think i'd know better the second (or third, maybe fourth) time around but hey, i'm human.

and i'm sure you are too.

either way, i would see this as a gift to remember scripture the first time around.

hahahahaha.

i know, i know, i should constantly be in the Word, but my friends, it IS hard!

i've been challenged by both, myself and my peers to memorize the Holy scriptures founded in the Bible.

my pastor has given me 10 of which i have memorized 8 thus far....

....come to think of it...

i better test myself again to see if those 8 are still fresh in my mind.

uugghhh....i desire sometimes to read a book once and memorize all the facts for-in all honesty-my selfish glory.

i take pride in people calling me a "mr. know-it-all."

i need to DIE to that pride.

i know.

don't judge me.

:)

but currently i'm reading, Foxe's Book of Martyrs and there is SO much facts about the early church history that i love to learn.

from the early records to the first church proceeding the book of Acts, to current times-

pages filled with factual information of brave men of God who were martyred such as: John Wycliffe, Jerome of Prague, Martin Luther, John Hooper, etc, to the ones that occurred in this early 21 century.

anyway-other readings i would love to attain to full memory in just one sit-down are: The Spiritual Man, by Watchman Nee, or The Pursuit of God, by A.W. Tozer to name a few.

anyways, i think i'm going to have to learn and train my mind like the rest of those who lack "super memory."

...

but i do have an advantage than most...

the Holy Spirit.

He alone was wisdom and knowledge beyond any and all of us put together.

He alone, will aide me in all things profitable for His Kingdom.

including a "Holy Spirit-super memory" that i so desire...

FOR HIS GLORY ALONE!

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to

him."-James 1:5

(*http://blogs.static.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/34971.html -just in case u were wondering more)

i miss....

CALIFORNIA.

My home.

My heritage.

My heart.

Too much today have i thought about heading back "home."

I miss the beach.

The weather.

The people.

The memories.

How i long to just go back for a week and live life like i never left!?!?

Pick up right where i left off.

Well....

Sans the lack of my relationship with God and my born again experience!

But to ride down PCH right before the sun comes up-in total exhilaration of seeing the coast line with surfboards in the trunk.

To walk down Santa Monica and the promenade observing everything around me.

To see the variety of boats off of Dana Point pier.

To eat:

Fat Burger.

In and Out.

Jim's Burgers.

Wahoos.

The Hat.

Legends Burgers.

....OH SO MANY TO NAME!!

To drive down my streets:
Upland.

Rancho Cucamonga.Alta Loma.

Ontario.

Montclair.

Fontana....

basically the whole I.E.

***909!!!!***

to visit my old high school-the Highlanders.

(((siiggghhh)))

To miss the seasons of spring, summer, fall, and winter.

And how can i forget the Santa Ana winds....

Usually ending in a mass ablaze all over the San Bernardino mountains...

I do miss my friends...

Let's not forget them.

Too many to name....

i love you:

Sergio.

Sam.

Deanna G.

Audrey.

nick.

a.j.

Andrew.

ETC ETC....

ALL of RCC and LBF

You have NO idea how much my heart sinks at just the good memories of you and i.

To L.A!!

AAAHHHH....

Don't even get me started!!!

....

I must go now....

Tear ducts aren't meant to hold much water it seems....

:*)

I pray that the Lord will take me back very soon. and soon enough-for Him to start loading His master plan of taking back Hollywood for His name's sake.

For His Kingdom!!!!

my heart on the line...

(((sigh)))...

that is all i can sum up at this moment.

i feel relieved to an extent but still heart broken over my mistakes...

in short:

i did things that were inappropriate and i crossed the line this one last time.

i was convicted even prior to making the mistake.

you think i'd know better by now.

the same scenario. same mistake. over and over again....

(((sigh)))....

but i exhale now with a sense of relief.

because i'm done with this!

it's eaten to0 much of my life and if my sin isn't exposed now, then God-forbid; it'll expose me at a time where it will be too late!

i confessed to my roommate-(who happens to be married and a father of one and one-on-the-way)

i told him a lot.

i even told him some stuff of my past.

airing out my dirty laundry sucks!

it's humiliating.

..................................

but it is humbling.

"stuff is breaking even as you're exposing this," are his words.

deep inside me, i agree.

man i HATE condemnation.

yeah...conviction is one thing, and i am ever thankful for that! but to be in a rut of lies that you tell yourself is another.

i HATE the devil.

"the devil knows exactly how to come in and destroy what has taken you years to accomplish or get over in 3 mins."

those are the words of my pastor.

pastor cleetus.

i went and confessed to him as well.

those two men i look up to and i know that the Lord has put them in my life to speak into me and help me walk the narrow road.

now what to do to defeat this beast in full?

well...i'm gonna seek the Lord now and ask Holy Spirit to direct my steps according to His will.

i'm done with this.

i claim in full confidence, VICTORY over this demonic oppression and shut the doors to this demonic generational curse!

IN JESUS' NAME!

..................

i feel relieved to an extent but still heart broken over my mistakes...

this is it....

ookk.... i'm definately going to start posting a bit more often.
i mean it this time.
i'm not even going to focus on all that has passed since my last posting bc it's WAY too much.
let's just talk about the current times.
L.A. times??
anyway, i'm stoked about many a thing:
Mark 16:15 project.
Maybe getting a job at J&B imports. (in Jesus' name
my relationship with Jolyn and advancing in all positive aspects.
Dreading my hair.
Losing weight. lol.
last but definitely NOT least... JESUS.
i need more of Him and have urges throughout the day to just seek Him...
i, in all honesty, need to start acting on those urges....

crap...

too much has passed since my last post...
crap.
i need to be more "ON TOP OF THIS" for the lack of a better, more prestigious vocab word...(it's wayyyy too early for me right now....)
which brings me to my next point:
WAKING UP EARLY.
lately, I've been "sleeping in" and being lethargic.
lazy really.
i have no food...
no job...
my pet's heads would be falling off if i had any.
i don't know...i need the Holy Spirit to guide me and tell me what i should do.

anyways...
i need a change of pace.

what else...
oh, not to blow a trumpet or anything "Pharisaical" (is that's a word?-pertaining to Pharisee's)
but I'm doing a 40 day fast for many things.
personal, and DBC related.
I'm supposed to do a list of 10 things i want to see the Lord do or move during...
crap...
better get started!
ha ha.

lastly:
I WANT CHUB HUBS!!!
not sure what that is?? here...click this link and read all about it!:
http://reviews.mtbr.com/blog/chub-hub-pro-review/
SOMEONE PLEASE BUY ME THEMS!!
lol...
speaking of fixie's...i can't wait to paint mine!
crap...
i just remembered, I'm on a mission to find Jolyn one...and FAST!
i need one for her so she can stop borrowing mine. hahaha.
any color suggestions for mine tho?
3 colors preferably.

well kids...
hope to update soon.

consistency...

Soo....not too much has changed since my last entry...
i feel sometimes like i can do more...do better.
spiritually and physically...
NO...correction: i KNOW i can do better...

I created a weekly prayer schedule for the month of May, with the help of my friend Steve-O (& by help, I mean "grilling me" to get it done) :D
It is SO hard to keep to it...in fact, I don't think I've made anytime this week! :s
BUT i am NOT giving up....
I will not be swallowed up in guilt either...that's not the point. (I'm so sick of that mentality)

I'm learning to be consistent.
To be diligent with this.
I hate to think that i should be sooo past this and probably onto "GREATER things" but let's not get caught up with that negative mentality. it's not of God.

Speaking of God, the Holy Spirit is SO amazing.

Daily I hear His voice here and there, and I don't deserve even that. I repeat, I DO NOT DESERVE HIS LOVE...
Family members from my church...

(http://www.deliverancebiblechurch.com/)

...experienced Holy Spirit in such a powerful way this last Tuesday at bible study, that we cannot NOT looking forward with a hunger for more!

I urge you friends, (whoever the heck reads this) let's consistently ask each other often how we are doing with the Lord!
And let's be honest in giving each other a transparent answer...

God knows I need to be ask daily!!

I want my failures to be known...no matter HOW embarrassing...
I figure, with all of them in the open, there would only be room for successes thereafter...
But not by my strength...

But by our Lord's!

where I'm at...

so much has happened in the last couple of weeks since my last entry.

the daily ups and downs of daily living...

the loss of a friend whom i will not forget...

the joy i find in doing the childlike things at 26.

the growing passion I'm developing in drawing more and more.

and the endless debates of what's of God's and what isn't.

all that to say that the latter is what i find most amusing.

siigghhh.....nevertheless, i need more of Jesus.

honestly, i feel farther away from God than anything.

i know where my weaknesses lie...

i know where my distractions come from...

i know where my priorities ARE NOT...

but i DO NOT know where to begin fixing this issue...

i was reminded today whilst reading a book published in 1987.

(i love reading old "cheesy" christian books directed at teens.)

believe it or not, there is SOO MUCH wisdom to attain no matter how irrelevant it may be to today's society.

"Christianity is not a bunch of words! It is not something we inherit from our parents! In fact, it isn't even a religion. Christianity is a relationship. A relationship with the most powerful and loving Being in the universe! It's not theory. It's action. It's power. It can be an absolute 100 percent life-changing experience...if we want it to be." (Bill Myers, Hot Topics, Tough Questions)

i remember the "life-changing" part.

i remember understanding the difference between a religion and a relationship with God.

but the maturity that has evolved in me seems to be minimal in knowing what my Father requires of me....i guess....

i need more of Him...

i need to die to myself consistently...

the only problem is,

i can't pick up the SWORD that drives my flesh to death consistently, on a daily basis...

THIS....is where I'm at....

death to the AMERICAN EASTER....

is this what we've made the passion of our Savior into???

Is this really all we care about??

*bunnies; chocolate or not, eggs, egg hunts, baskets filled with candy and confetti, colored eggs with confetti....etc. etc.*

do we really know where the origins of the bunny and the eggs and even the name "EASTER" come from???

**QUICK HISTORY LESSON**

Easter is an anglicized version of several ancient names for the fertility goddess most popularly known today as ISHTAR. The Bible refers to her as Asherah. Other names are Eostrell etc. etc.

Eggs and rabbits are symbols of fertility, and are frequently either involved in fertility rites or taken as signs of the blessing of a fertility spirit.

BOTTOM LINE: DEMONIC

------

we have to understand saints-We must not allow to let tradition rule our lives in America.

Tradition is almost always shoving Christ off His throne in our hearts, and replacing them with pagan, carnal, fleshly desires...

in this case....

a holiday.

i end with this:

The truth is that there is only ONE celebration that Jesus ordered His followers to observe each year, throughout the year, and it's NOT His resurrection, blessed as that in it of itself is AMAZING-but really, it's His death in sacrifice for ALL humanity. (Those that God calls into His kingdom) ....because of what it accomplishes.

Luke 22:19 and Matthew 20:28 is where i gather that this is the best way to keep remembering the profound love of Jehovah God and his Son, Jesus Christ to each and everyone of us, His sons and daughters.

**cited by the infamous, lovely allie hoyt

whatta day....

soo today was interesting...
*i woke up waaaayyyyy earlier than i normally would on my days off...(9:15am)
*yes, that's early for me....GET OVER IT......(:
*i met steve-o and headed over to da church house to do some minor landscaping
*realized it wasn't sooo minor once we saw what we were up against....
*i was actually surprised at myself, bc to my recollection, i did not complain ONCE! in fact, i honestly thing it is because i FINALLY got the revelation that i should do ALLLLL things unto the Lord and with joy!!
*i don't mean to brag on me....i just wanted to share....GET OVER IT.....
*i prayed at our underground house of prayer from noon till one.
*i biked home....sighh.....i love riding fixie's
*i mangled my big left toe again....and i really want to spare you the details...(it's a personal issue)
*i showered....FINALLY!! haha....
*i rode from my house to the mall cuz i lost one of my plugs...
*the Lord devinely met me up with Bob...(i love that kid)
*we hung out....
and now i'm writing.....

THE END!

orrrrr......issss it!!???
<<-----i love you fixie.....

why I am doing this...

I love to write.
I always have...
I think i might have a talent in this, something that God put in me.
I never really have had the discipline though...
To just sit down and write consistently, or often.
I was always one of those kids that admired both dudes and chicks that keep a journal, or log, or in today's world-a blog.
(I want to write about anything and everything that swims around in my head, whether that would be: scripture of the inspired Word of God, revelation from God, questions about stuff, thoughts, ideas, quotes, commentary on various things, and just personal life and experiences)
So this is my attempt in doing all of the above.
A personal goal I would like to accomplish, if you will.
"Follow me", if you'd like-I'll make sure I'll do my best to try and make my entries entertaining.

I will tell you in advance though, that I want to be BRUTALLY honest in this.
I feel like many people, in today's society; including me, censor too many things, but I'm over it.
So, be warned!
I will hold nothing back and in the purpose of me doing so, I feel this will push me to become more of an honest man who can be direct, and transparent.
I do not desire to be ostentatious, but then again, isn't that what public blogs are for??
To share you mind with others?
Thoughts?
Ideas?
(I hope you can understand that I can care less if you read this or agree with me, this is MY blog-but I DOOOO WELCOME feedback, comments, emails, money, etc.... haha...)

on that note, i thank you in advance for your time in reading this-
i promise that the ones to come will be fulfilling...or i hope to at least to attempt this- ;P

andyOutcast