Monday, September 21, 2009

SUPER....


MEMORY!!!

yeah....that would be nice.

apparently only 4 documented people in the world have this "gift/curse" to remember most everything they read and/or see.
it is probable that more than 4 have this, but this is the current study at the Center for the Neurobiology of Learning and Memory at the University of California.*

they say it is both a gift, because of the acute memory in their brain; and a curse because it is associated with OCD to some degree.
i could see how the latter would be annoying to some degree but i would dare not call it a "curse."

i treasure memories!
i would love to not have the difficulty at times to remember the great things in my past and the faces that i once laughed and cried with.

to visit memory lane would also bring about the worst times in my life, i know this.
but those are learning experiences!!
granted i've committed that which was once wrong more than once, and you'd think i'd know better the second (or third, maybe fourth) time around but hey, i'm human.
and i'm sure you are too.

either way, i would see this as a gift to remember scripture the first time around.
hahahahaha.
i know, i know, i should constantly be in the Word, but my friends, it IS hard!
i've been challenged by both, myself and my peers to memorize the Holy scriptures founded in the Bible.
my pastor has given me 10 of which i have memorized 8 thus far....
....come to think of it...
i better test myself again to see if those 8 are still fresh in my mind.

uugghhh....i desire sometimes to read a book once and memorize all the facts for-in all honesty-my selfish glory.
i take pride in people calling me a "mr. know-it-all."

i need to DIE to that pride.
i know.
don't judge me.
:)

but currently i'm reading, Foxe's Book of Martyrs and there is SO much facts about the early church history that i love to learn.
from the early records to the first church proceeding the book of Acts, to current times-
pages filled with factual information of brave men of God who were martyred such as: John Wycliffe, Jerome of Prague, Martin Luther, John Hooper, etc, to the ones that occurred in this early 21 century.

anyway-other readings i would love to attain to full memory in just one sit-down are: The Spiritual Man, by Watchman Nee, or The Pursuit of God, by A.W. Tozer to name a few.

anyways, i think i'm going to have to learn and train my mind like the rest of those who lack "super memory."
...
but i do have an advantage than most...

the Holy Spirit.
He alone was wisdom and knowledge beyond any and all of us put together.
He alone, will aide me in all things profitable for His Kingdom.
including a "Holy Spirit-super memory" that i so desire...
FOR HIS GLORY ALONE!

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to
him."-James 1:5

Saturday, September 19, 2009

i miss....


CALIFORNIA.
My home.
My heritage.
My heart.
Too much today have i thought about heading back "home."
I miss the beach.
The weather.
The people.
The memories.
How i long to just go back for a week and live life like i never left!?!?
Pick up right where i left off.
Well....
Sans the lack of my relationship with God and my born again experience!
But to ride down PCH right before the sun comes up-in total exhilaration of seeing the coast line with surfboards in the trunk.
To walk down Santa Monica and the promenade observing everything around me.
To see the variety of boats off of Dana Point pier.
To eat:
Fat Burger.
In and Out.
Jim's Burgers.
Wahoos.
The Hat.
Legends Burgers.
....OH SO MANY TO NAME!!
To drive down my streets:
Upland.
Rancho Cucamonga.Alta Loma.
Ontario.
Montclair.
Fontana....
basically the whole I.E.
***909!!!!***
to visit my old high school-the Highlanders.
(((siiggghhh)))
To miss the seasons of spring, summer, fall, and winter.
And how can i forget the Santa Ana winds....
Usually ending in a mass ablaze all over the San Bernardino mountains...
I do miss my friends...
Let's not forget them.
Too many to name....
i love you:
Sergio.
Sam.
Deanna G.
Audrey.
nick.
a.j.
Andrew.
ETC ETC....
ALL of RCC and LBF
You have NO idea how much my heart sinks at just the good memories of you and i.
To L.A!!
AAAHHHH....
Don't even get me started!!!
....
I must go now....
Tear ducts aren't meant to hold much water it seems....
:*)
I pray that the Lord will take me back very soon. and soon enough-for Him to start loading His master plan of taking back Hollywood for His name's sake.
For His Kingdom!!!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

my heart on the line...


(((sigh)))...
that is all i can sum up at this moment.

i feel relieved to an extent but still heart broken over my mistakes...

in short:
i did things that were inappropriate and i crossed the line this one last time.
i was convicted even prior to making the mistake.
you think i'd know better by now.
the same scenario. same mistake. over and over again....

(((sigh)))....

but i exhale now with a sense of relief.
because i'm done with this!
it's eaten to0 much of my life and if my sin isn't exposed now, then God-forbid; it'll expose me at a time where it will be too late!

i confessed to my roommate-(who happens to be married and a father of one and one-on-the-way)
i told him a lot.
i even told him some stuff of my past.
airing out my dirty laundry sucks!
it's humiliating.
..................................
but it is humbling.

"stuff is breaking even as you're exposing this," are his words.
deep inside me, i agree.

man i HATE condemnation.
yeah...conviction is one thing, and i am ever thankful for that! but to be in a rut of lies that you tell yourself is another.
i HATE the devil.

"the devil knows exactly how to come in and destroy what has taken you years to accomplish or get over in 3 mins."
those are the words of my pastor.
pastor cleetus.
i went and confessed to him as well.

those two men i look up to and i know that the Lord has put them in my life to speak into me and help me walk the narrow road.


now what to do to defeat this beast in full?
well...i'm gonna seek the Lord now and ask Holy Spirit to direct my steps according to His will.

i'm done with this.

i claim in full confidence, VICTORY over this demonic oppression and shut the doors to this demonic generational curse!

IN JESUS' NAME!
..................

i feel relieved to an extent but still heart broken over my mistakes...